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Bev's Best Selling Books and Authors |
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This timeless text will change your life if you're open to what it's saying to you. Many people shy away when a psychologist points to your childhood to answer questions about your problems today. But if you look past your own prejudice for a second Harville has some things that just might answer the question of why we pick who we pick and what is the real answer for making it work (a relationship that is). It starts with you. The common thread in all of your
failed relationships is you. Take that as a first step and run
with it. This book will open your eyes and if you can get your
partner to read it to then you both will REALLY have a head
start on making your love one that can last.
Have you ever wrestled with yourself when you want to call a girlfriend for the fifth time in a day? Ever immediately think that when someone doesn't answer the phone or return a call immediately, that something is falling apart in the relationship or that they are leaving you? Do you over-try to make someone like you? How about the flip side of this... do you run for cover if a relationship gets to close? Do you become more cold or callous towards your partner the warmer they become toward you? I was always a hold-out on getting therapy until I had a second affair on my wife. At that point, the pattern of things I was doing became very obvious, but I didn't understand why I kept wanting to make sure I had an escape route from my relationships. On the advice of my counselor, I went to pick up "Getting the Love You Want" guide for couples, but I also picked up this book as I felt it focused more on the individual. It made sense to me that if I didn't straighten myself out, how could I work on a relationship. I've thoroughly enjoyed working through this book (about 1/3 though so far) and it's written in a way that, for me, sparks thoughts constantly. I've noticed much more about myself than I ever did before and I feel like I'm getting the understanding I need so that I can move forward in being able to be in a mutually healthy relationship. Even in the beginning 1/3 of the book, I now see that the kind of person I marry (twice) and the kind of person I had an affair with (twice as I said before) are quite different from each other but EXTREMELY consistent to the other in their category. But I also see consistency throughout all the people involved as well. The exercises should be done slowly, if you breeze through them you can't be very serious about working out the issues as most require honest exploration and consideration. All in all, I'm quite pleased with this book and the new experience of learning something about myself. In many ways, I've felt I've gotten as much from this book as I have my therapy, though I think the balance of having a third party to talk to is very beneficial as well. I've liked this so much, I've seriously considered going to one of the workshops. Edit: I wanted to add, I have found it helpful later in the book to keep a journal as often, the reading has triggered thoughts, questions and revelations that I wanted to remember for myself as well as discuss with my counselor. Further, this book has been terrific
in pointing out the type of people I'm attracted to, and why.
This kind of information is instrumental in development and
maturing in present or future relations.
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