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Bev's Best Selling Books and Authors |
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How we parent our children reveals a great deal about how we were parented. W hen a particular parent-child interaction reveals how strongly we resemble our own mother or father, that insight can be extremely disheartening. But it can also be a catalyst for exploring unresolved issues that originated in our own childhood. Giving The Love That Heals offers a unique opportunity for personal transformation that will lead us to a conscious, and thus healthier, relationship with our children. Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt help us explore: The Imago - - the fantasy partner that our unconscious mind constructs from those we loved as a child, a that ha s guided our search for a life partner Maximizer and Minimizer parents -- the defensive styles that internally shape what we say and how interact with our children A Parenting Process that all parents can use to end the "cycle of wounding" -- the handing-down of wounding we received as children -- as we parent our own children, regardless of their age T he most effective way to nurture the stages of our child's growth while remaining mindful of how each stage affects the child's relationships, both to us and to their world and their future Safety, Support, and Structure -- how to give children what they really need from us Modeling Adulthood -- recovering our innate wholeness to provide a model of adult hood for our children that will preserve their innate wholeness. In this profound, groundbreaking book, Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt lead us through an extraordinary process of growth as we help our children to become healthy, responsible, and caring people.
My husband and I both loved this book so much and it gave us such great perspective on our children, now 5 and 2 1/2. We have both really relaxed as parents after reading this book and we have gained such a greater understanding into ourselves and why we react to our children the way we do. When my children were both babies, I did not worry about their behavior and was able to give them unconditional love and support. As they got older though, my expectations of them increased and I became uncomfortable with their behavior in many instances (temper tantrums, rude to other adults, unable to share -- normal stuff!). Before reading this book, I constantly worried that my children might end up as "brats" and so much of my son's behavior I interpreted as bratty or felt that if I did not "crack down" on him, he'd end up a "brat." He was continually being put in time outs and worse, spanking him was not unusual. My husband and I hated the constant battles and disciplinary actions which we dreaded enforcing and thought there must be a better way. After coming to terms with the way we were parented, we are able to respond calmly and with understanding (most of the time!) when my children do something inappropriate, as opposed to reacting with discipline and control. I now try to take time to look at the behavior objectively and determine if the behavior really does need to be corrected, or if the behavior is normal for where they are at developmentally I am just reacting because of my own personal "baggage." As a result, my relationship with them has GREATLY improved and our home is in harmony most of the time. We have only rarely spanked our child since reading this book and are working toward removing this from our parenting style altogether (difficult for us, since we were both routinely and often spanked as children). I can almost always talk my very high-spirited 2 1/2 year old out of a temper tantrum, instead of getting angry/upset or ignoring her and having it escalate from there. It is so touching to me, too that she has started coming to me after she's composed herself after a tantrum or start of one and, completely unsolicited say "Sorry, Mommy" and give me a hug and a kiss because through my love, understanding and empathy, she is learning on her own that tantrums are not the best way to deal with life's problems! My children are generally very
cooperative and loving. We are working toward mutual respect
and trust for each other for a lifetime. I now see my children
obey me out of this love and respect, and not because of fear
of punishment. I highly recommend this book to any parent who
is unhappy with their current parenting style that may be
based on control or intimidation of the children.
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